So my pharamacist gave me the generic for Yasmin...without telling me. I thought nothing of it oh well..maybe it will be better? WRONG. My chest has been hurting all month...I am really bloated and recently started to gain weight even though I'm eating less. Now Im only talking like 2lbs..but still when you work out and eat less...shouldnt you weigh less? At first I thought ok the holidays are finally getting to me...but notice how it only started in the past four weeks? Not after thanksgiving...or vegas? I ate wayyy more then. I've been crying easily and getting into fights with Nick..we normally never fight. Just in general feeling like a fat bloated failure..its been really awesome.

Then I log onto a forum and I'm reading about all these people who gained like 12 lbs and are miserable on ocella...wtf!!! I called my pharmacist today and told them to switch me back..not a very good generic when the symptoms are completely different... At first I thought the nauseua and chest tenderness was me being stressed. Then I started to get kinda bloated...I knew something was wrong. I started drinking more water and trying not to eat any fatty foods...but nothing has helped. I hate this damn pill I'm contemplating just not taking it for the rest of the month...


by the way said generic saved me no money at all...It costs more! I paid 30 for yaz and 45 for ocella stupidly I didnt question it thinking...well perhaps our coverage changed. The pharmacist told me he had no idea why they charged me so much. what an outrage!

This will might possibly be my last time to stress this....You NEED TO SEE MOON!!!




Go buy it and you wont be dissapointed. Need further proof? Do you Love Blade Runner? Do you look 2001 Space Odessy? Do you love retro scifi? Do you love Sam Rockwell? SEE MOON!!!!

I've never seen full metal Jacket...



In other news I may get really into collecting vinyls....

OK Im loving the way he handles this embarrassing interview....LOVE the self deprecating humor...

Time to make some 2009 lists because folks...it is almost over:


Best Movies of 2009 in no particular order:

• The Hangover
• Moon
• Where the Wild Things Are
• Drag Me to Hell
• The Road
• Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
• Distric 9
• ZombieLand
• Inglourious Bastards
• New York I Love You
• Star Trek

Ok Movies I've not seen from 2009 that I want to

• Ponyo
• The Informant
• Crazy Heart
• Nine
• The Princess and the Frog
• The Fantastic Mr. Fox
• 500 Days of Summer
• Precious
• The Hurt Locker
• Up

Best new Artists from 2009

• Drake "Forever"
• 3OH!3 "Don't Trust Me"
• Kid Cudi "Day and Night"
• Kesha "Tick Tock"

Favorite Albums of 2009

• Fame Monster- Lady Gaga
• This is War- 30 Seconds to Mars
• Its Blitz- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Favorite New Actors to watch!

• Zach Galifianakis
• Jesse Eisenberg
• Sam Rockwell
• Zachary Quinto
• Sam Worthington
• Joel Moore

I'm headed out to Bass Music Hall in Fort Worth. I will be attending the "Night at the Oscars". They will play award winning scores from the silver age of movies up until new Oscar contenders. You are encouraged to dress as though its the big night and they have like a fake red carpet and stuff like that. I know this is cheezy, and I'm willing to admit I'm a total wannabee....this is probably the closest to the Oscars as I'm EVER gonna get...so may as well live it up!


here's a link to the event http://www.basshall.com/eventsnew.jsp


Also I bought a new dress for the event aptly named "screen Siren" www.bebe.com/Screen-Siren-Bustier-Bubble-Dress/dp/B002NAWMQK



The event lasts only until 10:30 PM so afterwards we are hoping to hit a club or something like that. ....excited...

Its funny looking back. I didn't realize how certain events, movies, books, music or people really affected me. I didn't notice what was a turning point in my life. I didn't see then how this movie would influence me. How this movie reaches me to this day or how touched I would be by Brittany Murphy's career or her death. How in some weird way they are connected for me....


This sounds..well nuts so I'll back up. When I was 13 or 14 I can't remember, I hated my body as most teens do. I had lost a bunch of weight, as I've mentioned before. I still wasn't happy. I hated how I looked because I was picked on at school. I met this girl I'll leave her name out of this...maybe I'll just call her L. She was like me miserable with herself only she was rail thin. She would often tell me that she didn't feel she fit in with everyone else. They didn't get it. I knew how she felt. She was there during my weight loss we encouraged each other. Sometimes she was a little mean because she was so hungry. I entertained the idea of being thin like her. As I knew her she lost more and more weight and she'd tell me more and more about herself and her life.



It turns out she'd spent some time in a hospital. I was terrified and fascinated at the same time. She introduced me to this movie "Girl Interrupted". She said she related to it because Winona Ryder's character had Borderline personality and so did she. I saw the movie and needless to say I was freaked out by it. I couldn't even stomach it at the time. This girl L loved it. She told me it was a lot like that in the hospital. She described them nailing everything to the floor and being forced to eat. I was scared for her. She told me she didn't get better at the hospital at all that she was still the same. Suddenly being thin didn't seem so important to me anymore. When I started to pull away she started to criticize me. She'd make harsh statements I began to notice more and more she had a not so sweet side. I would sometimes visit her at her dance studio and I remember this one day she looked so thin....it was almost frightening. She told me she was only eating one yogurt a day if she could help it.



I decided I needed to get away from her. I started hanging out with my "normal" friends. THe ones who "Didn't get me". More and more I began to think....L and I were not so alike after all. About a month later I got a frantic call from L's dad. L had been rushed to the hospital with a leaky heart valve. She had nearly died again. This was her second time with a heart related problem due to her anorexia. Now she was alive in a mental hospital recuperating. He begged me to call her and said she couldn't call me from the hospital. I wasn't sure what to do...I bucked up and called her. She told me again what it was like in there..how she wasn't going to get better. How they MADE her eat....how they wouldn't let her out till she gained a certain amount of weight. Eventually I didn't call as much and when she got out neither did she.


Then I believe I was about 16 and taking acting classes at a local agency. Her father called again saying she was going to take the same class as me. He thought I was a positive influence on her. She looked healthier now. She wasn't as rail thin. She told me she had to quit dancing because of the mirrors and that she now she had to attend therapy every week. She showed me this book she put together of clippings from magazines of "thin" people. She'd criticize the pictures and make horrifying statements like "I wish I looked like a skeleton with skin over it." She told me she was not better. She told me to try diet coke...I remember thats the first time I ever tried it. I started to feel negative about my body again as weight was all she seemed to be able to talk about.


She constantly talked about the hospital in an almost romantic tone. She was so used to be miserable it was like she enjoyed it. I couldn't handle it anymore I was getting so depressed to and due to my own body issues I didn't feel like I could be her friend anymore. When I quit the acting classes it sort of ended our friendship. I didn't even try to find out what had happened to her after that though nagging guilt ridden thoughts haunted me for years. Recently about a year or two ago I received a message from her on myspace asking if I remembered her. I didn't know what to do and didn't answer. I still dont know if it was the right thing to do.....



whenever she'd talk about the hospital like that I'd think of Winona Ryder's line at the end of "Girl Interrupted". "Maybe the world is fucked up....but I'd rather be a part of it..then down here with you."


It was so true....L had almost dragged me down with her. I didn't want it anymore being thin was not enough for me.



Reading that Brittany Murphy went into "Cardiac Arrest" at 32 shocked me. I know she probably struggled with an eating disorder and possilby a drug problem. For me her death is connected to that movie and consequently connected to my life.


In some weird way L and the message in that movie kinda saved me. I realized how destructive the path I was on was...It changed me.

Things you need to know before you start watching: Yes I travel with 3 cameras...girl's gotta be prepared. I brought the canon rebel XS, paps zoom, canon powershot, and my hd JVC video cam. This video contains footage of the concert shot on my lil powershot and the rest of the vid is from my HD cam. THis is probably the most fun I've ever had at a concert. We even got to ride to the concert in a luxury SUV because the hotel we were staying at had that as free shuttle. Turns out the band stayed at the same hotel we did. We know this because a lil bird with a big mouth spilled the beans and even provided proof that at the very least the band manager or someone on staff stayed there. However this lil bird is very lucky we didn't tweet the info to everyone where they were staying also that we are not crazed fans who would search for them at the hotel. If you know me at all...I dont do shit like that, but this lil bird would have no way of knowing that. SO anyway it worked out for this lil bird...still he didn't get laid like he probably thought he would...anyway on with the VBLOG

I saw two films in the last couple of weeks. I saw The Road with Viggo Mortenson and I saw Brothers with Jake Gyllenhal (YUM) and Toby Maguire (Jakes twin why the hell haven't they played brothers before???). Anyway here's what I think and I know you are dying to know.




The Road: Same director as "No Country for Old Men" which I have not seen. The reason being everyone had such extreme opinion about it either hating it or loving it and I ended up just not seeing it all together. This is a decision I'm rethinking. I don't know if saying I enjoyed "The Road" would be the right choice of words. I thought it was a really incredible allegory of a man preparing his son to live on without him. I never read the book by the way. I thought Viggo did an incredible job. The movie was definitely heart and gut wrenching. I sniffled quite a bit and on a sidenote the boy who plays his son is so damn adorable. I do agree that the drearyness of the film seemed like a bit much at times, but overall I considered it a pretty succesful film. Not all films have to be happy or have a shiny rainbow at the end. As I said before the performances were very moving. I will need a break from this movie though, because it so incredibly sad I will have to wait a bit to see it again. I'm easily moved I'll admit and this father son thing really got to me. I was really dissapointed by the way that Guy Pearce is in the movie for like 10 seconds he's advertised as costarring. I thought he was gonna play the villain or something but no. Oh well other than those few things. I loved it!





Brothers: A little bit dissapointed with this one. The trailer and poster imply this intense love triangle between Natalie Portman, Jake Gyllenhal, and Toby Maguire. Spoiler...the triangle is a big let down. This movie was so intense...almost too intense. I felt exhausted at the end of the movie, but not necessarily satisfied. It was almost as if some of the intensity had not been necessary. I agree that Jake Gyllenhal's talent may have been underutilized in this film. There were hints here and there but it was so Toby centered it almost could've been called "Brother" instead of "Brothers. I just left the theatre wishing more had happened. They alluded to a lot but then it ended up just kind of ending. I thought the casting was such a cool idea. I've always thought Jake and Toby looked similar and wondered if anyone would ever play around with that idea. I also thing Toby Maguire is a decent actor and I was happy to see him in something besides Spiderman as I'm sure he was happy to do a different project. The last serious thing he was in was like "Seabiscuit" right? Anyway I really wanted to like this film and maybe I need to see it again, but it definitely was not what I was anticipating.


This is just what I think but I dont like to bash films. I don't want to be overly critical. I think there were great qualities about both and I would see both again.

I had a real good time at the concert it was nothing short of an adventure I will fill you in later via tons of video and pics but 30 Seconds to Mars was great live. Seriouly and I'll prove it with clips later..in the mean time enjoy this less than flattering photo...

The first two are MEGA casual. I want to do more exciting stuff really. I have a lot of new outfits I want to try and make up I wanna wear. I'm having a lot of fun with these though!

You are one hot married father of two!!!



Click for hotness!!!

She's so poised and she answer questions like really answers them. she knows what she's doing and how to market herself. She's incredibly in love with her fan base and her projects. Her career is her life. Love her or hate her you have to admit she's more genuine and serious about her art than most artists are these days. Maybe its because she writes her own music, designs, her own outifts and has a serious hand in all her projects. I wish more famous people were this serious.

In answer to questions about what tatts I'm getting....


I want to get a few. One would be a rosary on my right fore arm that has my grandmother's name over it.

another one would be on my left for arm with some kind of hebrew phrase on it. I was thinking "I am who I am" or something like that.


why religious tatts? i am not Jewish or catholic but I have my reasons. One I am not catholic but my grandmother's faith is moving to me. She prays for each one of her grandchildren each night and her life has been a sacrifice to her family. I dont believe in saints but if I did I would nominate her.

the Hebrew phrase if for a variety of reasons. one main one being it will kind of remind me of my father who is obsessed with the history of Jewish culture. Contrary to the stereotype of christians not liking Jewish people my father is enamored with their culture and history. How can you not be its fascinating and pervades all our literature and culture in my opinion. Most of my favorite authors, directors and actors are Jewish. I dont know if that makes sense but thats why I'd get the tattoo..



Lastly I'm a fan of religion. I find it fascinating and I am spiritual person. I'm open I love to learn about new things and experience new things. I use to run from the fact that I was religious because of the way people look down on it and judge people for it, but I'm a positive and open person and I think I can attest to the fact that not everyone is like that. You should be proud of who you are and religion is a part of who I am.